Just a little whining today. I haven't done that in a very long time but lately I've been butting my head against a lot of brick walls. At times I have called myself "invisible girl" as no one seems to notice I am even in this world. I have been told I should be more agressive, but that's just not in me. I was taught to respect other people and not be a bother to anyone. Boy have times changed.
For some people "self" is all they ever think about. It's easy to see that on Facebook everyday when some people post 50 to 100 items in a row (yes, really) and you can't find anything from any body else as one person uses it for their personal blog. Its even more sad when you really like the person but long to unfriend them because they don't know when to stop. I like lots of friends but sometimes I never see their posts unless I go to their walls.
I try to give everybody the benefit of the doubt and try to believe all the things people promise me, but for the most part I find myself taking care of everything that happens to me in my life BY MYSELF. I have volunteered many times to do things I was not one hundred percent fond of, because a friend needed my help and I did it, most times with a smile and found a lot of times I actually enjoyed doing the task. But for me? I just don't get it. What do I do to people? Am I that boring or old or whatever that no one wants to be around me? Really people. What am I NOT doing? If I win a contest, I am the one whose name doesn't get posted. If I write a book, no one takes me seriously. If I order with a group at a restaraunt I always get served last or the order is messed up. I couldn't even find someone to ride with me on an expense-paid day trip. A girl could catch a complex. Do any of you feel this way too?
I see other people succeed everyday. But as I sit in my cube at work and do my job to the best of my ability.only a handful of people ever acknowledge that I am breathing. I sit there for eight hours a day, and feel life passing by. So I turned to putting my words on paper. For now, no one reads that either.
I was told I should write for myself. So I guess that's the direction I will take. Maybe in the future someone will ask, "did you know this lady"?
Anyway that's enough whining for this year, so I will get back to doing what I do. But if sometimes you long for in depth conversation about something besides ripping another person apart, send me mail or call me. I especially love history, ancestors and debating ideas.
Hope you have a nice evening.
© Joyce (Tidwell) Burns, ChynaMoon Creations, Chyna Moon Press, 1997-2012
