My Brother Ronnie

 

It's funny sometimes the more you try to bring something into focus, the further away it seems to slip from you.  Photographs and memories seem to fade around the edges with time. But I will remember you !

 

Today is the anniversary of one of the most painful nights that I have experienced to date in my life.

 

Seven years ago in the morning I lost my brother Ronnie to cancer. We had a long, hard battle. I sat with him alone this night and breathed every breath he took and felt every pain. In the morning I told him it was okay if he needed to leave that I would be alright until he came back for me. Oh how I lied. I don't talk about it much as even after seven long years it is still almost too much to bear.

 

Its a long, long story but Ronnie protected me from the day I was born. He even named me.

He was seven years older than myself and I swear I don't know how he put up with me.

 

Mother was divorced not long after I was born and in the time period in which we lived she suffered the finger wagging of society, even though he left her to raise us without ever looking back. He just walked off and I didn't see him again until after I was twenty-one. She never spoke a bad word about him, but she suffered much.  Ronnie was always looking out for one or the other of us.

 

Needless to say we never had any money to speak of. Mother worked every day and did the very best she could. My grandparents (her folks) lived with us too. Grandpa had been a barber but became severely disabled after he was in a fire. Grandma became babysitter and caregiver. So there were five of us. And now there is just me, and once in a while the reality of it all just grabs you by the heart.

 

But back to my point. Ronnie was the best brother anyone could ever have. When I was in high school, I wasn't going to get to go on a class trip and Ronnie worked extra shifts at his job and surprised me with the money to go. And he made sure I got my class ring. How do you repay that kind of love? And that was him all the time. Such a giving heart with everyone.

 

That was one of a million things he did for my family. People now don't know what love is. They think its money and presents but its sacrificing for one another, not because you have to, but because you want to show that love. No it wasn't perfect.. There are always times you don't see eye to eye with those you love. But I know in the end I would have given my life in exchange for any of the other four of my family.

 

So I guess my quest here is two fold. One to tell you about my amazing brother. (He was an awesome writer too and inspired me to try to be my best). But the other thing is to cherish the ones you love and tell them over and over as you may lose the chance when you are least expecting it.

 

As for my family, I still love you everyday of my life, with every breath, and especially you my sweet brother. I hope that you are all rejoicing in heaven and that one day you WILL come back for me.

 

I miss you so.  Love, Joyce

 

 

 

© Joyce (Tidwell) Burns, ChynaMoon Creations, Chyna Moon Press,  1997-2013